I think, perhaps, all this waiting would be a bit easier if I had any signals that the baby was coming soon-ish. Besides being three days from my due date, and knowing that all my other babies were ex-utero by now, I have no other reason to believe this baby is coming out any time soon. I feel the same as I did a month or two ago.
For the two pregnancies I’ve had that have progressed past 35 weeks, I’ve spent the last weeks with constant Braxton Hicks contractions, cervical pressure, timeable light contractions, etc. Something to encourage me that even though labor wasn’t here, it was coming sometime soon. With Asher, I had all the prodromal labor, plus the knowledge that I was already 5 cm dilated and 75% effaced, bag of waters bulging, at 37 weeks 4 days. So we just played the wait-and-see game, and he came eight days later. Even days that weren’t as filled with pre-labor symptoms were okay, if I just reminded myself that I was likely already more than halfway to completely dilated, and he could come at any minute. It calmed me down.
The weirdness about this pregnancy is my lack of anything resembling late pregnancy and labor. I mean, I’m huge, and I can look at the calendar and tell you that he’s got to be coming soon. But I have no other signs, nothing to encourage me in my darkest/most skeptical moments. I have the same amount of tightening/Braxton Hicks contractions that I’ve had since about 33 weeks, and nothing low or painful at all. No cool stuff coming forth from the nether regions to encourage me, either. I find myself seriously pondering the idea that he’s just not going to come out, and wondering if this will all end in some horrible way. I mean, that’s nuts, but I never claimed to be totally sane in my latest stages of pregnancy. Obviously. This is me, the real deal, the way I want to remember it – that the end of this pregnancy drove me nuts, and I wondered if I’d end up with a live, healthy baby. I want to come back and read this post while nursing my baby and laugh.